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Returning to my land…!!!

It has been so long since I last wrote about me, myself and I. Anyone who doesn’t know me would think I am obsessed with myself and anyone who actually knows me would totally agree. I have enjoyed my ride here so far. I first started with the wedding discussions, went on to discuss different things that went well during my day. I took a long break as I focused on studying for my exams and applying to Graduate School. I am done with that part. But now I want to find something new to discuss. Ideas are definitely welcomed.

But while I wait for your ideas. Let’s talk about Appearance.

Appearance is such a broad term to explain. It could refer to your physical features, your clothes, style, or the way you talk and represent yourself. I used to be a person (or so I thought) who did not worry much about what she looked like. I did not worry about looking “beautiful” or “impressing the boys by dressing up”. On the other hand, these things were always there but never expressed or understood freely  by me. I weighed 88 lbs in high school and I weigh 120 lbs after my Bachelor’s and been consistently going up and down around that. So I was never voluptuous but I was not thin either.

It all started when I came to the US and was constantly complimented on my weight and consistently told. “Ahh…you are so thin”. I loved the attention to a certain extent but when I gained weight, I was told to loose my FAT. These are also the same people who once appreciated my weight, became my friends and called me “you look anorexic” to being called “fat”. Should I have taken their perspectives seriously, I would have been hospitalized. I did go through a period of time when I got conscious about my weight because I was around people who constantly expressed concerned about their own. I was influenced.

I had to remind myself of who I am, what I am and why I am. I practiced a little bit of exercise and gave up but did change a little bit to my diet for healthy food. I am thankful today to look at myself in the mirror and appreciate who I am and the way I look. But unfortunately, many youngsters are not easily enlightened about such intense issues. Labeling is an issue that goes around you through children or adults. But how do we change such perspectives of people around us? Through Awareness. I had a friend who constantly made me feel bad about my “FAT” and commented on it day and night whenever she saw me. Overtime, I realized that she referred to weight at least once in her conversation to others as well. Then, one day she made the same comment and my reply to her was that I am confident about what I look like and I am sorry you don’t feel the same about your body. Little did I know, the empowerment helped her realize how rude she had been. Although she did not apologize, she did say “No…I feel better about my body now”. The rest is history with me. No worries about weight and nor do  I judge others on it.

I wish some people would take care of their weight in a better way. However, I am aware that people gain weight due to medications they take or other diagnosis they might have. Judging them from a distance is not going to disclose their inner conditions and with respect to them, I refuse to judge them on their weight. I have friends who are thin, few extra pounds and over-weight and they tend to be wonderful people who have helped me through my thick and thin.

Let’s get together and bring awareness of how beautiful everyone is.

Share your views about weight experiences. I would like to enjoy some of your own stories.

Until then…Appreciate your inner beauty!!!!!

 

 

What went well

This week has been very stressful. Well, at least the last couple of days were. Following were some good things that went really well:

  • Challenges came this week and I excelled them with a smile. I was so determined make things work and did so with flying colors. From walking to work to successfully fulfilling responsibilities provided to me. One person got sick, the other could not do it, I was honored to be the 3rd to complete the task at work. My work place has been very challenging for me because I feel that some opportunities that should have been mine were given to others. It wasn’t fair but then it feels to be working well for me.
  • Finished the Psychology Book and now relaxing before I take the practice test and study again. One month till my test. I am starting to get a little nervous. It will always work out because it always does.
  • I have decided to start running so I am searching for some good running shoes. I have this pair that I really want from New Balance. Just waiting for a couple of more gift cards from Designer Shoe Warehouse and I can buy my shoes.
  • Walking has been fun. It always gives me new impetus and direction.
  • Funny thing happened when I was walking to work the other day through my University. I happened to run into a familiar face. Believe me I still don’t remember her name but she recognized me. It appeared she needed help with understanding some concept in her Psychology class. She said she remembered that I was a tutor on campus and wanted to know the procedure to walk in or make an appointment. But the way she was saying all this was very confusing for me. I said I don’t go to college here anymore and I don’t work at that place. I thought she was doing a research project so she needed participants. After a while, I realized she was just nervous about her class and needed some understanding of concepts. I asked her to email me so I could help her. I haven’t received her email yet but it feels good that I had no reservations about helping her. I was glad that I didn’t hesitate about using my time for her or not getting paid for it. I was proud of myself for offering her the guidance and hope she emails me. I gave her my email but did not get her email.
  • Just this week itself has given me more confident, more zeal and more conviction about my goal in life. From here on, I feel my belief in myself will only grow stronger.
Thanks for visiting my site. Hope you share about your week and what went well in your life–A new way to reflect on the positives of who you really are.
Neha.

Unknown to me

Another Day as it may seem,

Another Day as it may seem, unknown to you.

Past is reflecting

New things are happening

Unknown to you

Another Day as it may seem,

Time is ticking

Mood is clicking

Unknown to you

Another Day as it may seem,

Dreams are true

Thoughts are grue

Unknown to you

Another Day as it may seem,

 

—Unknown to me the reason of what I wrote. Unknown to me if its’ a poem or just some thoughts. I felt like writing it today and so I did. It reflects a lot about how much we don’t know yet it comes to us and what we do know is somewhat what we should not know.

What went well:

  • Unsure what went well today. It is one of those days that makes me wonder what else is coming my way. The thoughts are gruesome but I find my way to the light.
  • A lot happened in this one day that I am not ready to discuss because it concerns someone else. As for me, I realized no matter what happens life keeps on moving the next moment. It does not stop and neither should I.
  • I feel jealous at times of opportunities that should have been mine were given to someone else. Yet it comes back to me as an advantage. I am reminded I did what I could and did the best with no doubt.
  • It felt today (what also I recently read in Psychology) that what happened to someone else can NEVER happen to me. I remind myself NEVER SAY NEVER. Don’t want to be busted!!!!
  • At the end of the day, I am thankful for being alive and no one hurt tremendously. Who knew what could have happened?? Unknown to us.
Have a great night everyone and a nice day for others.
Neha.

 

Type A or Type B…!!!

First of all, condolences to all the families who lost their loved ones to the attacks years ago. I remember being in 10th grade in school. My friend asked me if I knew what was happening. I said no because at that moment I had no great attachments to the United States. An immigrant only a couple of years old in the United States, I did not understand the value or significance of the moment. When I got home or went anywhere else from there on,  it was clear to me something disastrous has happened. I did find out though that my cousin’s husband was supposed to be closer to in WTC around that time but they had extended their holiday or something that they ended up in India. How thankful we were!!! Only then did I learn the intensity of the concerns and tears that were all around me. I was still learning about cultures and diversity but I guess 911 made me learn it much faster. Ever since then, I was an Asian Indian in the United States. I moved on but more so I hope many of those families have moved on to new light new day with the memories of their loved ones. I know easy said than done!!!!

What went well..

I haven’t written about what went well in my day because it was a basic routine that you have read about already. So it has been calm and nice.

  • Today though I woke up sneezing. It is very nice rainy weather outside which I really enjoy. I did not even have the fan on last night. Yet I woke up sneezing. I hate my allergies. I hate medications for any reason so I avoid it to any extent. I did take Alavert in the past  that was effective but don’t want to take any medicines. So I made it fun to sneeze, I count to see if I can break any records. So far I sneeze I guess 6-7 times at once.
  • The day has just started so looking forward to studying and yummy breakfast “Aloo paranthas”. See below for a Google picture:

Aloo Parantha with curd, butter and mango pickle!!

Type A or Type B Personality

While reading my chapter on Stress, Coping and Health, I came across Type A and Type B personality traits that also affect the level of stress we carry or how prone we are to having heart diseases and others. I have always been curious about who I am. I always seem to think different from my family. I consider my mom to be the other extreme of me.  Total opposites. I wanted to understand about these personality traits and I have a feeling I am a Type A personality. According to Weiten (2004), Type A personality has three elements: 1. a strong competitive orientation; 2. impatience and time urgency; 3. anger and hostility. After reading these three points, I can easily say that I am Type A making me more prone to heart diseases and others due to anger issues. But obviously there is more to these traits than I know so far. Type B personality is marked with relatively relaxed, patient easy-going and amicable behavior. This has to be my mother. I find it very enchanting to understand personalities.

What are you?? Type A or Type B??

 

I would like to hear about your perspectives on your personality traits? Does these traits describe who you are? To a certain extent, it definitely described me.

Neha.

What went well Day 6

Its been a week!!! I have been committed to this exercise for almost a week. I might continue for much longer actually. It is fun. So here’s how my day went:

  • Relaxed morning. Last night, I set up the alarm to wake up at 6 am to study before I go to work at 1 pm. Unfortunately, I woke up at 3:30 am, spoiling my plan for the morning. I couldn’t study in the morning as planned so that didn’t go well. But it didn’t feel so bad. I knew I will find the time.
  • Woke up at 8:15 am, dragged myself out of bed (unlike the usual me) and went to shower because I wanted to freshen up and study.
  • Talked to my cousins. My little 4 year old angel always cheers me up and my 15 year old genius always annoyingly makes me smile as well.
  • I studied for about an hour. Distracted so I straightened my hair. I like treating myself to it sometimes.
  • Grab a Starbucks Coconut Creme Frap and head off to work. Work was great as I did some data entry that I am pro at. Set it all up and happily achieved that goal. Tutoring was great. Hope my student gets a good grade in her test tomorrow.
  • Finished Chapter 12…woot woot!!!! 3 more chapters till I finish this book. The goal is to finish it this weekend.
  • Now just relaxing and watching some TV.
As you can tell, it wasn’t a really amazing or dull day. It was just another day where things kept moving, time kept passing with productive activities and goals were excitingly completed. How was your day? Hope it went well. If not, remember sharing sorrow with others decreases the pain while sharing happiness increases it. Don’t forget to share.
Neha.

What went well Day 5

Ah!! I ran today. That’s the best I can give you today. My day was a bit gloomy for unknown reasons. I get such days when I am inundated with joy and then suddenly it clicks to me how much more I want to do. Mainly, how much I could have achieved in the past two years. I tried doing the best I could but somewhere it lacked. That’s okay though because I am happier with the direction I got to choose at this moment. Moving on from the positives, I have reflected on changes I have been through (consider this after effect of reading Psychology).

As a person, my overall personality is still the same but it has grown. My goals are clear to me and how I am going to surpass my own expectations. But more so how my environment has changed around me. It just occurred to me that the friends I have thought about have probably changed just as much. Would they like me for what I am today? Would I like them for what they are today? Forget friends, my family has changed so much or more so that I finally understand their personalities (I guess). Yes, I am confused!!! I have always been a person who has made wrong choices about people.

Some instances:

  • I like this person but this person just used me for something and back to his/her friends circles.
  • The other person says, “Oh Neha, you are so my best friend…”. I am emotional and I end up speaking for them or fighting for them while they change their priorities to themselves and end up moving on?
  • “We did so much for you”. Did you do favors on me? And here I was thinking as a friend, you just support each other through thick and thin. I apologize for being so naïve.
Those are just examples. I am not saying I was never wrong. There is a phrase in my language that pretty much says that “a person cannot clap with one hand. You always need two”. In other words, when a misunderstanding occurs, it is never from one person.  It always takes two to create a misunderstanding so stop blaming each other. I accept I am at fault but are you ever going to share it? are you ever going to let me know nicely and not talk behind my back? There is a reason for who I am as there is a reason for who you are. Let’s figure it out, TOGETHER. Don’t expect me to change unless you are meeting me half way.
I just want to say I am also judgmental but am wary of it. I challenge myself to change my perspective, no matter how resisting I am. I am not even close to being non-judgmental but at least I am trying. Are you?
 I have had a friend constantly tell me day and night, “You have gained a lot of weight, you should lose your fat, you should hike, etc.”. This happened every time I met her. Unfortunately, it did not stop with me but to others as well. She has a very high metabolism and does not gain weight. I used to be about 88 lbs in high school and I gained weight to about 125 lbs after Bachelor’s. I am not fat or even close to it. Not just friends but I have had my extended family tell me that too. Now its’ just hilarious. I did give my friend an answer once that shocked her and caught her off guard in the moment. My answer was “I am happy the way my body is. I am confident I look good and I am really sorry you don’t feel that way about yourself”.
Don’t judge a book by its’ cover. Fat or thin, ugly or beautiful, nice or not nice, good or bad, those are just labels we have given to categorize our society. But take the time to get to know the person and you might be surprised what you find out. Not just about them but about yourself!!!
Enjoy your day/night!!!
Neha

What Went Well Day 4

Path of my walk

What to say what not to say. It is very annoying and confusing sometimes to keep thinking about a lot of things you want to say yet you can’t. How people can misjudge you or how they ever perceive you can totally define your relationships but also what you think of yourself. With this positive exercise, my mind has constantly been thinking about the goods of every relationship I have had…from cousins to aunt’s to uncles to friends to crushes to anyone whose ever been in my life. I am the person I am because they were part of me. Past days, I realized they are still part of me!!!

Focus

My day was nice. I have missed a lot of people and my imagination has been full of fun moments that I wish to live with them in the future. Here’s how my day went:

  • Great start with a relaxed focus on mind that I will study during the day, eat, play with birdies, spend time with mom, watch some TV, etc.
  • I finished Chapter 11 about Human Development across life span. It was a good reminder of where I stand today and where I might be. I got to realize its’ in my control to make it better or worse. When I reflect back on my life during my “Midlife crisis”, I want to smile and be happy about my fulfilling life.
  • Started Chapter 12 about Personality and Assessment. Considering I want to be an Assessment Psychologist, this is an interesting chapter. Learning about my personality is why I fell in love with Psychology. It helped me find myself when I was most in need with no one to guide.
  • Achieved the goal of taking couple of pictures while I walk except my walk got sacrificed in this. I got so excited, I came back home. The first picture is in my way while I am taking a walk in the parking lot. The second picture focuses on how those flowers make themselves stand out no matter what’s around it. Well, I want to stand out no matter what’s around me. The last picture (below this) describes the uniqueness of being together, of the relationships we all share with each other and no matter how far, we are somewhat connected to each other. Like you and I are connected through our blogs.
  • Above all, I miss my friends. That was the highlight of my day or days I must say. I have always been a person who likes to be in warm secure close connected circles. So once I called someone my best friend, I would not open my doors to anyone. From being obsessed and possessive about them to spending my time smiling and thinking only about them. Overtime, I stopped believing in the term “Best friends” because my priorities are different. That’s a good thing considering my expectations are now more confident and disparate for good. Still hold one really good friend and I am happy with that. Reflecting on my very first crush to memories of really long ago friends that switched schools. Its’ an amazing feeling.

    Relationships

Like I said, it was a good day. A lot of memories to make me smile and goal to make me zealous. How was your day? Do you think about your crushes or long-lost friends? Your goals? Don’t forget to share because I am all ears!!!
Neha.

 

 

 

Sometimes I feel its a drag to get myself to come here and brag about my day. Then I think about the smile it will give me to put the positives of my day in writing so there’s no ambiguity about it. My day was as regular as it could be, except no work today.

  • Yay!!! No Work..Happy Labor’s Day everyone. Hope you all gave yourselves some time off from your daily labor activities. Hope you rewarded yourself to something nice for being a dedicated worker all year long.
  • Usual morning with smiles, tea and chirping all around me. I look forward to such a calm morning because it sets the tone and my attitude for the day.
  • Couple of days ago, I decided to maintain my weight. I am not a gym person so I never even bother with exercise. Being focused on study, I really sit at my bed or chair to study for hours. The only activity I really have is cleaning my room, taking care of my birdies, and walking 30 minutes everyday (which I skipped on today). So let’s see if my diet changes can help but also make me healthier.
  • Studying for Psychology every day only reminds me why I want to be an expert in it. Finished Chapter 10 on motivation and emotion and started Chapter 11 on Human Development across the life span. It is very interesting to read about many different theorists and their perspectives about how we grow up to be the individuals we are. My favorite was always Erickson’s Stage Theory and The Development of Moral Reasoning. Erickson really defined some of the feelings I had felt while growing up. The Development of Moral Reasoning makes you think about the different things that effect your approach to many dilemma’s of life. For example, was a man who broke into a store to get his wife’s cancer medicine at fault? He didn’t have money and he offered to pay the store owner later but got refused. Was his approach false? He just wanted to save his wife. I feel so strongly about this situation every single time but I have to keep reminding myself that there are many other factors involved. Want to learn more about it? Google Kohlberg’s Stage Theory. As you can tell, I love studying my passion.
  • Its’ always a pleasant feeling when my bird, Lovey, just flies off on to my head so I can give him some hugs, kisses and mainly massages. It makes me feel special and lets me know that my baby is happy.
  • My day ended with yummy dinner: Rajma Chawal (Rice and Beans Indian Style). I cooked the rice and mom cooked the beans, making it the best meal of the day!!
As you see, everything went smoothly. Not to jinx it!!!! It was a regular day yet it was special unlike other days that hold their own specialty. That’s what I am learning doing this WWW exercise. Try it out and see how it works for you. It might do wonders!!! Read about it in my What Went Well blog. Don’t forget to share!!!
Neha.

What Went Well Day 2

It is Day 2 of my reflection on the positives of my day. If you are unsure about what WWW, please refer to my Day 1. What Went Well is an exercise to reflect on the positives of your day. Yesterday I stated that it helped me recognize on the minute events of my day and it made me go “hmm” because of the unusual things that stood out to me. Let’s see what happens today:

  • Day started well at 8 am. It felt nice when my eyes went around my room and heard my birds chirping.
  • Honestly, I did not do anything productive today. But no regrets about it as it felt good to just relax and not worry about whats next or what needs completion.
  • Chilled out with mom. Just laughter while the two of us pulled each other’s legs.
  • Spoke to my cousin’s in India. This was the highlight of my day. My 15-year-old cousin told his 4-year-old sister that he was not going to school tomorrow and was going to America. My poor little baby sis cried all day long telling her mom please don’t send me to school tomorrow, I want to go to America with brother. So I get a call from my cousin for the same as he cracked up laughing about the situation while shes’ super excited to reach America tomorrow for 2 months (details decided by her only). So she tells me to keep her fave pencils ready and even before I replied, she demanded to speak to my mother. My mother who has a pencil with a star eraser on it gives my cousin shows it off to her on webcam. So my 4-year-old cousin tells my mom to keep all the pencils ready because she was coming. Her request was continuously repeated about 20 times in 5 minutes (it was all she wanted). I and my mother could not stop laughing on the phone. Love my sweethearts!!!
  • Then I went some shopping with my mom. Oh Come on..Its’ Labor Day weekend sale. Although I found nothing much, I ended up buying some cute shoes. Yes!!! Its’ been my obsession lately. I will get help soon when I go broke.
  • I started studying for a bit after I got back home. Yay!!! for not forgetting my goal and keeping my focus even if it was only for an hour.
  • In the evening, I went for a walk again. This time my neck is hurting because I kept looking at the beautiful weather above and imagining taking some nice pictures. I left my phone at home and I did not want to interrupt my walk so I decided to do it another time. Walk was full of smiles while I remembered me chasing my cousin up and down the house, playing with my niece and telling stories to all.
  • Had some dinner and green tea. My day is over. Not feeling sleeping so might watch some TV or study a bit.
Some past reflections I forgot about yesterday:
  • My bad habit of nail-biting has disappeared. I have nails, big nails!!! I have started applying nail polish on it. For those of you who know me, please don’t be shocked or at least pretend not to be.
All went well today. Tomorrow is another day to look forward to. Wish you all a very pleasant night and a smiling sunrise!!!
Neha.

What went well…!!!

I have been gone for a very long time. This is only due to my future commitments that I am determined will happen. While I have focused on my goal, I have also resumed my part-time job as an After School Tutor. I would have discussed deeply with you what it is that I have done or what my goals are but this blog has a slightly different purpose referring to the title: What went well?

A month or so ago, I was following Dr. Lynn Jones blog on “Do YOU Wish You Were Better at Focusing on Positive?”.  This blog discussed on an exercise called What Went Well (WWW), which helps us focus on our positives. I consider myself a positive person but there are definitely times when it is hard to keep it intact. I commented on her blog with mixed feelings about this exercise, but promised that I would practice it on my blog for as long as I feel successful with it.

So let’s look at some of the positives that happened in the month of August:

  • I was redirected towards my goal and there was no looking back. I have been confused about it for past couple of years but now it is clear. My vacation in India was so refreshing that I came back with new determination and zeal to make my long time dream happen.
  • I dedicated my time to focusing on the steps that I need to complete for my goal. I researched on opportunities and requirements needed to fulfill my dream.
  • I finished Step 1 of my dream which was Taking the GRE . I wouldn’t say I excelled in it but I did well in comparison to when I took it 5 years ago without any preparation.
  • I resumed my part-time job as an After School Tutor. Confused and unsure about taking this job back but finally decided to just take the opportunity for as long as I need to.  Never know what difference it can make in my life.
  • I started focusing on Step 2 of my goal. Taking the GRE Psychology is rather exciting because I glow with zeal when I hear the term Psychology and studying it makes me feel like my life was incomplete without it.
  • I kept my attitude positive. Every time I bumped into a negative, I kept going and never gave up. Eventually and suddenly, it was all positive and I didn’t even know it.
Now let’s look at what went well today:
  • I woke up early. I am a morning person and I enjoy every bit of waking up early. I usually wake up past 7:30 am but today was another day when I woke up around 7 am.
  • I had my tea, relaxed, played with my birds, studied a bit before breakfast.
  • I cleaned my room and experimenting with new settings as I get my birds ready for the winter. I usually vacuüm my room almost every day or every other day but just the basics. However, today I moved the bookshelves, cage and my bed to clean it all up. Great Work out!!!
  • Spoke with my cousins, took some pictures through webcam, had some laughs and smiles with them (I love it when my day starts with them even being so far away).
  • My new shoes I ordered are here as well!!! Yay!!! It was a 10 days long wait. Sizes weren’t perfect for two pair so went out to change the sizes and exchanged them.
  • When I came back, my birds were starving for their dinner which is about 6 pm. So had fun feeding them.
  • I went for a walk at 7:30 pm. It’s very refreshing when I walk alone. I am usually conscious about walking alone in my parking lot because people keep staring (or so I think) but I did find a time that its’ rare traffic. Unfortunately, theres’ no park or beach at walking distance from my place but I enjoy these little everyday walks.
  • My day has ended with a smile…with this blog…with focus and determination to do what it is I promised others and myself.
That was my What Went Well. I must say it does help you think through the details of your day and how you might have achieved something good without realizing it. I tend to remind myself everyday of my achievements: long or short-term. But writing them down has its own flavor.
So try it and tell me how you felt about it. I would enjoy reading about your day and achievements you make in your day.
P.S. Thank You Dr. Jones for sharing your article with me and enlightening the new positive in my life!!!
Neha.
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